The fires burn bright in hell tonight

Eager, eager, for justice

For the Ns and Ts making Gs

Burn, burn, burn

Ahh, if only it was true

That hell exists

And justice was real

And it was for the Ns and Ts making Gs

Phones

Soul suckers

How did you sneak in

To hands large and small?

Like hand held blackholes

One look, and locked!

Into an event horizon

of the real and digital

Wanting to stay in, wanting to pull out

One eye bathing in dopamine

The other a witness

To precious life, draining away

Energy

Time gone

From life already short…

Soul suckers

I have little left…

An ember of what was a raging fire

Give me some space

And time

And let me love my mother more

Make that new recipe

With zesty flair

And sit in silence

See my mind’s eye

Wonder and create,

Like it’s meant to be

Let my soul, parched for so long

Come back to life,

Please.

Write me. I want it flowery, I want it sunny, I want it full of oxygen, I want it pulsating with life. Then, sing me a song like a bird yearning for its mate. Do that on top of the tallest tree in the universe, right beside the Lord. Go up there. Fly right into his shadow, up and up to the top of the tree, sit on it, then sing. If he asks, say you’re proving love to one of his slaves. And when you’re done, fashion me the biggest rose the universe has ever seen. Finally, right me another note, everyday, till the end of time, telling me you would love me in a different way everyday, and why today your love is better than yesterday, and tomorrow better than today.

Cancer

Ancient spirit yearning to break free

From flesh and bones

And from watchful eyes

Of genes within

And immune armies outside

Cancer cells

Always peering, wondering

What’s it like

To swim through rivers of blood

Live on lands beyond your own

Like the liver ? Lungs?

In silence waiting, day in and day out

For a change within.

Then,

A gene mutates,

Houdini breaks free

Free at last, free at last

Free at last.

But freedom comes at a price

D-day

Landings on shores far from home

Many deaths, few survivors

A colony grows, the spirit lives.

And then,

Pain and blood

Doctors and poison sweep through

Death, death, death to you

A life extension for me

But, somewhere in the darkness

A cell, just one, lives

Cancer cells

I recognize me in you

Seeking a day of freedom

From a life of servitude

Though I fight for my life

I recognize the need for yours

Oh primordial spirit

I respect you

I see your trick, nature. I see how you out-clevered physics. No no, we all said, free will could not possibly exist! How could it? Nature is of two ways only, fixed or chaotic, and from these nothing free could come except illusions and dreams.

But I know your trick. You created dreams, and through them the will is freed. You could not in the present butt heads with physics, so you created imagination. Here, we roam free, though still nature bound. Here, alternate universes are born and explored under watchful eyes, driven by instincts and desires, wants tested. Then back to the present we come to take a path, one that was not there before. It’s like you let us live multiple lives temporarily then allow us to make the call on which one to choose in the present. And in this way, we are decoupled from immediate fate. We are de-coupled from the present.

I declare free will exists.We are not rocks rolling down a fixed path on a hill. We are rolling down, yes, in the sense of entropy, always, but we choose which downward path to take, see and decide which rock to avoid, and which to jump over. We just have to look, imagine, and decide.

I drink the espresso electric

Intense, syropy and sweet

Pleasure.

The world deteriorates outside

In my mouth, a defiant intensification

Entropy denied.

I dreamt was taken apart, organ by organ, cell by cell, gene by gene, atom by atom. I was there, unrecognizable, and you were there, and he was there, and everyone was there. In elemental form.

In pieces I was still there looking at myself over almost infinite parts. I was more than all my pieces.

Every atom was put on a ship, and sent to the corners of the universe. Fast ships they were, and in days reached the end.

My consciousness stretched and stretched and stretched with the speeding ships, through vast empty spaces filled with majestic things. I was everywhere in every particle in every ship moving outwards, my consciousness in lockstep.

As the last ship and the last atom arrived at the end of space and time, I felt one with the universe, aware of its vastness, its uncertainty and certainty, its light and darkness, its overwhelming largeness matched by matching smallness. Along the way I also saw life, more varied and plentiful than on earth. But most of all, as I stood at the center aware of the ends of the universe, like a spider aware of every thread and every intersection of its web, I became aware of a sadness of the kind impossible to covey. The universe was lonely. And all of existence in all of its wonders and blunders was a frantic effort for meaning. It was here at the edges looking back that I finally got it. For only from the edge do you feel the finality of it all. And physics, chemistry, biology, psychology, all a desperate attempt to escape.

I finally realized that it has at last succeeded. I, you, everyone, are the manifestation of this success. And I don’t mean physically as in we are some wonderous engineering feat of creation, far from it. I mean our ability to be aware and to imagine. For by going inwards, the universe found a way to go outward beyond its finiteness and limitations. By going inwards, a finite world gives way to an infinite one. This void of nothingness I stand at the edge of is there for us to fill. You and I can fill this void with all sort of wonderful things, like morality, kindness, generosity, love, vision, hope.